Simon's Blog

It is the last day of Year 2012 as I am writing this post. Things come and and go. Good or bad, we live with it and we learn from it. We would always want to make the right decision or think that we make the right decision. Real case is we aren't always making the right choices. And at times we will only see that the choice is flaw when the results are out. What do we do then? Cry over spill milk? Get up and move forward? Year 2013 would going to be big for me as there is at least one major thing coming up. And I do hope / wish that I would be able to get through it. Though life is hard, lets get tougher shall we?

2012 has been a fruitful (though the fruits are not plucked at the correct timing) and dishearting year (where the grass on the opposite could never always be green). There are few things to think through and new plans to be made. A time will come for the person to make decision and stay focus on it. A new year resolution is thought of. But writting them down on a piece of paper is never the style. What has happened can be lament upon but not to be drag down by it / them. We are to learn to move forward but never forget the lessons learned from it. In the end, we only live once. So lets live it to the fullest and may 2013 be a year for us to understand ourselves more.

It has been weeks. New work, new responsibilities. Longer distance travelling is required as compared to previous work. It seriously affects my strength and hamper my workout time. Even realize that I have started to take 2 dozes of multivitamin per day. Lack of concentration is spotted over my workout regime. Even if I am at home, my mind wanders around the place and would end up doing nothing productive. New semester has begun and I just made my way back to my first lesson (after missing the first 2 lessons). And there are lots to catch up. Assignments from previous semester to be look into. Re-assessment to be looked into as well. It is not going to be easy and I would need to myself together for this semester.

It is Oct 29. Morning was a rush for me, as I left my TnG card at home without realizing it till I reached the LRT station. I had to make a turn back to my house then again back to the station to catch my train. I have been having stiff neck for weeks. And it is annoying. My mind is contemplating to purchase a new pillow. But budget is bit low at my end for now. Last week had been bad for me. It is an anniversary that I would forget but not psychologically. It affected my mood, my attitude, my views over things. At least things are improving this morning and I do look forward to weekend as I have somthing planned for myself. Got a message via Jack'd. And found that the conversation is one-way. Luckily it has ended. If not, it would be wasting my time and effort (or even annoy me further).

The mind is willing but the body is restless. What causes it? I have no clue at all. It is getting more difficult each day as I need to drag myself out from my bed and face the challenges ahead. At times, I just feel like going away for a long time. But, commitment is the one and only things I got which is holding me back. The only relief I got is to see myself through by mid of next year.

It has been sometime since I last wrote. And I definitely needing this post as a outlet for me to blow off some steam. The last week has been busy for me. The new job, new boss, new expectations. Not to mention there is also assignment datelines coming up this coming week. The body is aching all over. The mind is scattering all over the place. The soul is drained, keeps me thinking if I should be getting myself closer to society. By saying that, I would say that I am getting lonely with my world and would like to try something else.

The moon is full as usual at this time of the month. Children and adults happily gathered around at the compound. Lanterns, candles are lit. Chairs, stools and tables are laid outside of the house. In another level, inside of a room sits a man before his laptop. Consumed by his thoughts, he never bothered to indulge himself in this festivity. Work-related stress, emotion-related stress, assignment-related stress are the only accompany he got. And, not to mention the moon is accompany him too. He managed finished off his 6-month old cigarettes. But yet his mind is still blank from any ideas that could help him. Emotion has not been his strength. It has been his demise. And it happens from time to time. He is mostly hurt from the process of wanting to get a partner. Those nights where no replies were given, his mind is like a wild horse chasing the wind. He can be said to be emotionally compromised. But yet he lives his days as if nothing has happened. He puts on a mask ...

Waking up tired has been quite normal for me these days. I have not been having good night rest ever since I begin taking a part time course. But it will be ending soon as the programme is finishing mid next year (if everything goes according to plan). Friends are planning on furthering their studies after this current programme ends. I was not that keen myself. I am thinking of taking sometime to rest and get my much needed sleep. :p However, I will need to focus on wrapping up my research paper. And, briefings / discussion sessions have begun with my lecturer. I would need to work on my proposal and get things settled by mid of October. Let's hope for the best.

It was Monday evening and I was lazing around. Laying on my bed, listening to the radio and catching up with some reading. The weather was cool as there was a rain in the evening. Radio commentator was having an interview then doing a book sharing. As it was a cantonese / mandarin station, the book review was done using mandarin. The book however was a translate from English. The author is Michael Robertson. His first book is The Baker Street Letters. Here is a short guide of how the story would be: "In Los Angeles, a geological surveyor maps out a proposed subway route--and then goes missing. His eight-year-old daughter, in her desperation, turns to the one person she thinks might help--she writes a letter to Sherlock Holmes. That letter creates an uproar at 221b Baker Street, which now houses the law offices of attorney and man about town Reggie Heath and his hapless brother, Nigel. Instead of filing the letter like he’s supposed to, Nigel decides to investigate...

Sept 11 - a day when people mourn over the lose of their beloved. It is also a day when I had to submit my assignment. Despite the submission was done, the feeling of restlessness still hangs around like a dark stormy cloud ready to pour. The spirit loses the vitality of life, with all energy sucks out from the body of a mortal. The body shouts for rest and yet the mind wanders like strays over the places.

This post has been in my draft folder for sometime. The feeling of being used and discarded then used again has been commonly felt among our colleagues in the same place. There will always a scenario for us to feel that we have been taken advantages of. And when this situation happens, we will still respond to it, irregardless how pissed we feel about it in the first place. Whether we are working or dealing with others in our social circle, at times we are just being too good or too kind. Thus, the opportunity of being taken advantages of. If we choose to stand up against it, then we are considered disrespectful. If we choose to shut up, then we are not being appreciated. World has been unkind to us, who are looking for a simple life. Maybe it is time to join the Devil and bring the Devil from within or hope to die with it at the same time. But what do you think?

It has been a while since I updated my blog. I won't know what to say about me, even I am writing this post now. I have been zoning in and out of my life. One moment, I am able to focus on my tasks on hand. The other, I am distracted with random thoughts in my mind. I guess there is too much things in my mind now. Work-related stress creeps in and engage a mental warfare with me. Assignment dateline is near as I am still struggling to pour out my ideas and finding relevant information to support my claim. Bad news come in telling me that I am unable to defer one of subjects now. Things just get worse and worse. There is only darkness around me, or at least it seems that way. And I am getting fat after missing my gym for a week. Guess I need to buckle up once the assignment is over and get my stamina back as soon as possible. It is not right to feel tired for a few days after each gym session.

The feeling of tiredness and restlessness has been following me since Monday. It just won't go away. I guess it is not about the rest I got. Rather it is about the things I am facing recently, may it be emotional or career.

Time. Something that we can't control yet given. It is said that we are given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month and 12 months a year. And the irony is that we are not the one in control. Time moves on itself, by the seconds, minutes and hours. As of now, it is already end of August, going to September. For me, it is yet again another period of time that I am struggling to get by. The burden to balance between work and studies and leisure. It is never going to get any easier. But it is going to get tougher. And I will need to get stronger by the body and the mind to conquer the challenges placed in front of me.

I have not updated my blog for sometime. Not like I am demotivated with the lack of comments, as my blog doesn't spike much topics. But I am away for a short break over the weekend. And I came back to KL, still feeling the fatigue and restlessness. Seriously, I need to look for "good" friends. By definition of good, I mean those friends that I can talk to and share my thoughts with. Well, these are some words from a person that is laboured with works and studies.

Being back home is somehow much comfortable for me. I think it is too comfortable that I even stopped working on my assignments. And I am having 3 classes this coming weekend. Anyway, I have enjoyed my time in Penang. And I guess I should be working on 1 piece of my assignments starting tonight. Well, since I am just back from celebrating my friend's birthday. I would go for a shower then only start working on my assignment. To all my Muslim friends,  have a wonderful holiday and enjoy the food and family gathering. See you all after the Raya break.

Guess it has happened to me that I am faced with a situation that I won't know how to describe. It has nothing to do with work as work is just work. Recently, I am drawn to think of the life that I lived. I am particularly drawn to think about: Should I be living single or should I get attached with a partner? It is not easy to make such a decision. But nonetheless, it is a decision to be made. PS: I am not going to come up with a title for this post, as I don't think I will have a suitable  title to describe my feelings and my emotions about this post. :p

So it is just around a corner for our Muslim friends to get themselves ready for the Raya celebration. Things have been busy for me in the office. Ad hoc orders come in like nobody business. Some of colleagues are going to take a week off. I am going to spend this time back at my hometown. But I will be working on Thursday. Talking about spending time back at my hometown. This is not going to be a vacation for me as I will need to prepare my assignments. Assignments are due on Sept 11, 2012. Time is running short for me and I will need to get myself ready to submit the assignments. It is a pain for me as I have to re-do one of assignments (as I have failed that paper). It is much stressful for me as I come closer in preparing the assignments. But it is not going to be much complaint as I will need to own up to my work and responsibilities. I am still feeling the flu. Got a recommendation from my friend. I am going to test the medication and have a good night rest. Do...

It has been almost a week since I seen a doctor and taken my medication. Recovery has been slow. It may have been due to me going to gym in the evening, despite not fully recover yet. Well, no pain no gain. Yesterday was a pain in the ass for me. Traveled all the way to Subang Jaya only to feel the fatigue. In the end, I have to skip class after attending the lecture for 2 and a half hours. Coming back home to catch a 2-hour sleep. Waking up this morning, I was feeling bit weak. But it is better now after taking some breakfast and blogging about it. PS: I am still going to gym this evening nonetheless. :p

It has been 2 days since I last saw the doctor. At first, it is just viral infection. Then it became diarrhea. And this morning, flu symptoms came on-board. Speaking of which, I would need to take my medication now. Just hope that I will get better by tomorrow. I won't want to skip my lessons too much when the datelines are coming up. Workload at the workplace has been manageable. Even now, I do got an inquiry from my senior manager asking me of the situation that I am in. At least he asked. I have had sleepless nights for 2 times this week. It is not helpful to me and definitely bad for my health. But my mind would race around like a speedster when I woke up in the middle of the night. It will always think of someone. Someone that I miss and love to have him around. That is why I wrote to him in the middle of the night, telling him my thoughts. And I read some blogs before I went off to bed, where I spend an hour or so laying awake.

Sick. Starting yesterday night, I have felt my bones aching, muscle aching and joints pain. Muscle aching is due to consistent body building. But viral infection is causing my bones and joints to ache. Time to rest and recuperate.

Tuesday. Second day in a week. Five more days before the week comes to an end. I woke up with a mild headache this morning. It would have been caused by certain interruption last night. Interruption to my sleep. I woke up, thinking of someone. Someone I "feared" to have love. It is funny how your mind will work its way through. And, you go about the next day thinking of that person. I do hope there will come a time for me to share with that person what my thought is. And I hope that day would be sooner.

It is a normal Sunday for me. Nothing seems to be out of place as I went to college for my morning class. Cutting close a bit when I arrived at the destination. Managed to get in before everything starts. It is the lecturing then followed by the review of our assignments. Thank God, I managed to draft out the rough guide last night. Now it is time to sit down and work on the "meat" of the proposal. Went over to Summit for a hearty lunch. Alone again. Took a couple of pics for my memories. Not that I really need them but for reflection's sake. Was pondering if I should go for a book replenishing exercise. And my instinct just brought me there. BookXcess at Amcorp Mall. It was a nice moment to be around bookx again. And managed to get myself 2 new books (which God knows when I will be able to finish them). One thing about me is I love books too much and I got myself too many books at times. And I ended up not able to finish them. Maybe I will do bet...

August 04 - Nothing special about this day. It is Saturday. Slept in. Late breakfast of having 2 cups of soya bean milk. Went in to office for minor errands. Got off to a movie before noon. Yup before noon. Nice story line. But felt the plot could have been better. Finished off my soya bean milk as my lunch. Went to gym to work on my thighs and calves. Coming back home before going around to grab something for dinner. Now, I am bit hungry again when I am finally doing my stuff. Assignment preparation is exhausting. It would take sometime to draft the structure and main points. Well, I guess I better start working on it.

It is Friday morning. The same routine of plucking myself away from my bed (this has been happening since Monday). Weather is cloudy and hazy as usual (due to God-knows-what reason). Just read of a blog this morning ( Takashi ). I can't agree more than what he said about being exhausted and just wanting to laze around (after work, gym & dinner). This is same with me. I have been feeling the drag of most things (especially my current work & my part time studies). The only thing that I am looking forward to will be the gym session at the end of the day.

The mind is wandering and is not in focus since this week started. May it be the stress and fatigue of over-work. Or may it be something else.

Half of 2012 has passed by. I am here in this company for 1 and a half years (officially). Things are getting slower nowadays (slow sales maybe). But there is no time to relax. I would need to work my ass off my assignments. Got a new friend recently. It is like a pen-pal (just a bit modern as we communicate via emails). It is a new experience to me. :P

It is never easy juggling both your study and job at 1 time. The feeling of being torn apart from handling 2 "TASKS" at 1 time can be over-whelming at times. The urge to just move away from all these tasks has been strong. Feeling of giving up has never been lesser. It always come down to the question, "Why am I here?" A question that will always come back to haunt me even though I have been answering it over and over again.

It is a day like no other. It went  by slower than usual. Phone calls rang non-stop. Emails flooded the screens. Discussion here and there. Approval needed for this and that. It has been tiring and boring. The eyes are dried from the constant staring at the screens. And, your mind keeps wondering when will all these nonsense end. Or will this nonsense ends. Guess it is easy to hope for the easy and hate the hard. Man has been moving down the wrong path ever since the beginning. And it is never a surprise to see the society turns ugly and uglier. Day after day, the tabloids scream of vengeance and wars. It has been a tug of war for "wars". Hatred fills the air like the lungs filled with air. The sickness that we encounter is nevertheless the sickness of the society. We are sick but yet we didn't see that. The sight is never upon ourselves but onto others, onto their weakness but not ours.

Being a newbie to photography, there is always a question in mind, "Is the camera more important than the skills or the other ways around?". With a digital camera in hand, photos - that are taken - are not shared with the public but kept in secret, in the dark. Personally I am not confident, nor proud with the work that I did. But, a friend once told me to keep on trying and trying and trying. Workload and study load may have taken a toll on me. Leaving me with little time and energy to do the things that I love. Anyway, it is about balance. Balance of my work life and personal life. And, it is a late Saturday night. So, cheer up and enjoy the weekend, doing something I like. Reading, listening to some oldies, lazying around. Yup, I think I will just do that.

There are always changes in life that we will go through in life. They may be suitable to us or not suitable to us. But the important thing is not to avoid them but face them. The outcome may not be good all the time. But it is still something that we can learn from.